Pirates of the Great Hall
by K'Treva-Kitty-Mura
Summary: Sirius and James think they're funny. Some short bits on the boys acting like pirates. Not a crossover. Marked as complete because there is no real "ending". Each chapter is just a different incident.
1. Ahoy there!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. I am making no money off of this. Please don't sue me. 

"So, Sirius," said James Potter, "What's your favorite part of being a pirate?"

"I like the booty!" Answered Sirius Black happily.

They both giggled. Yes, giggled.

"Very mature, boys," Lily said sarcasticaly, standing up from her seat in the great hall. She was almost out of ear shot when she heard Sirius say:

"Arr. There be a fiesty mermaid."

She rounded on him glareing. "Sirius. Jay. Black." she said hands on her hips.

"Aww, relax Lils," Sirius said grinning, "I meant like a sexy one. You know, with the seashell bras?"

Lily still looked furious. "What he means to say," James said apologeticaly, "Is that that he meant the pretty muggle version, not like the ones in the lake"

Lilly rolled her eyes and left.

"Ack, Land Ho!" Sirius snickered as Bellatrix walked through his field of vision. James pushed his friend off the bench.

Short and sweet, I hope.


	2. Cannons?

I know I said it was complete and it is but I just had to add this.

Snape sat outside under a tree by the lake. This was good. He could get some fresh air without effecting his pale complexion. He opened up his book and started reading. He had gotten to the section on various uses of krondle seeds when the ground exploded next to him.

"A little to the left!" some one shouted.

"Aye aye, Captain!" came the reply.

Snape looked into the hole. A cannon ball. He looked to where the shouting had come from. The lake. His four least favorite people were sitting on a raft in the middle of the lake laughing their arses off. No. Only three of them. The werewolf wasn't there. In fact, he was sitting on the other side of the lake. Doing homework, it looked like. Not that Snape cared what her was doing. Snape concentrated on getting the cannon away from the idiots.

"They don't have a cannon," he said looking more closely, "or cannonballs" He magically amplified his voice. He wasn't about to yell. "How are you going to shoot me without a cannon or cannon balls?" he asked.

"We're..." shouted Sirius.

"Good point!" shouted James.

"Magic?" suggested Remus, adequately distracting the audience from the Authoresses foul up.

"Man over board!!"

Peter helped further by falling off the raft and drowning. Well, not really, but he almost drowned. A mermaid, several actually, threw him out of the water onto the shore and emitted a high pitched shriek that can be translated as ,"don't throw trash into our lake." 


	3. Quack

What's this? A third chapter? Oh, joyous joy!

(let the pilaging begin!)

Remus had to go to the bathroom. Bad. "I shouldn't have had so much pumpkin juice earlier," he said hurrying to the bathroom. A grey cat wondered why they never seemed to drink anything besides punpkin juice, tea, and butter beer.

"Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta-"

Occupied.

Remus banged on the door. "PLEASE hurry up," he pleaded.

"Arr, I'm taking a bath ye land lubber," was the reply.

"Sirius, I really have to go," Remus growled, "I'm comming in."

"Hey, no!" objected Sirius when the door opened, "attack the intruder!" He threw his rubber ducky at Remus. The bath toy hit him square in the nose.

"Ow!" exclaimed Remus, rubbing his nose and piccking up the offending piece of hard yellow rubber. He was going to hit Sirius with it but instead asked, "why does your rubber ducky have an eye patch, Sirius?"

"It's a pirate rubber ducky. His name is first mate Quackers," said Sirius, sounding childish.

"Of course," replied Remus. Sirius held out his hand for Remus to give him back 'first mate Quackers'.

Remus dropped the duck on the floor and started to walk out, "I'm going to go use someone elses bathroom," he stated. Sirius was leaning over the side of the tub to try to retrieve his toy. Remus closed the door somewhat forcefully behind him.

There was a wet thump as Sirius fell out of the tub.

(The end)

Wow, I wrote a scene in a bathroom and it was completely nonsexual.


	4. Bludgers

Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides first mate Quackers and the plots.

Bludgers

"James," said Sirius to his friend as they sat in the hospital wing after a quidditch match because they had BOTH broken a bone.

"Aye?" replied James.

"Bludgers are a lot like cannon balls," Sirius said adjusting the sling that his arm was in.

"You're right," said James, sitting up straight, "next time we go out on our pirate ship we should take bludgers to throw at Snape."

"Exactly," said Sirius nodding sagely.

Luckily for them, and unluckily for Snape, Madam Pomfrey wasn't in the room to hear this dicsussion.

End

Ok, short and stupid, I know. 


	5. Bludgers: part two

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but this sparkly ball of yarn.

Bludgers: part 2

"What are we doing?" whined Peter as they walked accross the lawn in the dead of night.

"Plundering the quidditch supply shed for cannon balls!" Sirius informed him cheerily. He and James were carrying a trunk.

"But there aren't any cannon balls in there!" Peter objected trying to keep up.

"No," James agreed, "but there are bludgers!"

"And those are basicaly magical flying cannon balls," Sirius explained.

"What if we get caught?" objected Peter.

"How are we going to get caught?" asked Remus looking bored.

"If Madam," began Peter but he was cut off by Sirius.

"And what would they be doing out here?" he asked.

"What am I doing out here?" asked Remus.

"Helping us steal bludgers," said James, implying that it was a dumb question. They then reached the quidditch field and went to the supply shed. They undid the locks and went inside.

"Aww," groaned Sirius, "There's only eight of them!"

"You only need two to play quidditch. I'm suprized that there's even that many," Remus said, sounding annoyed.

As they were transfering the bludgers from their cases to the trunk one got loose. It flew around the room three times before hitting Peter in the stomach. Remus jumped on him to pin the bludger down and they managed to wrestle it into the trunk with the rest.

"Let's take them back to the ship," said James, and they did.

The next day Snape walked down to the lake and moments later was seen running away and yelling profanities. The Murauders were never caught because "nobody saw a thing".

End 


	6. Serious Conversation

New chapter, finally!

Chapter 6: Serious Conversation

Sirius looked down at the orangeish brown liquid in his cup. "James?" he asked.

James stopped, fork half way to his mouth, "Huh?" The forkful of food made its way into his mouth.

"James, we're pirates, right?" Sirius asked, his tone serious. He looked intensely into the cup a slight scowl on his face.

James swallowed, he looked at his friend, concern creasing his brow. "Yeah, we're pirates," he assured him softly.

"Then," Sirius began. He paused, rolling the cup back and forth in his hands. The let out a sigh and looked up at James, his eyes pleading. "Then why is there no rum?" he whined.

Realization dawned, James looked at his own glass of pumpkin juice. "Something has to be done," James said, fist tight as he glared at the nonalcoholic drink.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Remus asked wearily.


	7. Gravy

Oh no! Not another chapter of PotGH!

090909

Sirius and James were bouncing in their seats at the great hall waiting for dinner to be served. Remus exhaled loudly. "Where were you two off to earlier?" he asked.

The two boys giggled in response.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"They were down in the kitchen, Remus," Peter said helpfully, "they brought me back some treacle tart."

"Peter, you shouldn't eat sweets before dinner," Remus admonished gently.

"Sorry, Mommy," Sirius snickered, "we won't bring Peter treats before dinner again."

Peter blushed. Remus grumbled. Dumbledore was making some sort of announcement that he probably should have been listening to. "Tuck in," was all he caught, and then there was food on the tables.

This whole 'pirate' thing was getting ridiculous.

"Gravy, Remus?" James offered dispite the fact that Remus hadn't put anything on his plate yet. He was grining widely.

"You transfigured the gravey boats into miniature pirate ships," Remus stated, unimpressed.

"No!" Sirius insisted, "Watch!" He pointed over to the Slytherin table. Remus looked over just in time to see Snape get shot in the face with a gravy cannon from the mini ship.

James, Sirius, and Peter were all rolling with laughter at the sight. Snape wasn't the only one to get attacked by the gravy pirates. All of the gravy boats had come to life and were shooting at each other and the students.

Remus sighed heavily. There was no way his two friends were getting away from this with anything less then a month of detention, especially considering the look on Professor Mcgonagall's gravey coated face.

090909

There you have it. Thanks for reading.


End file.
